Hello world!

So everything is gone. The last half a year, where I compulsively self-destroyed — I have no written proof left. This one error of overwriting a single PHP file on the server, consequently wiping out memories — is so reflective of everything in life right now that as I write this, it is difficult to not draw a parallel between blogging and real-time events.

With the prospects of new beginnings, letting everything else go isn’t too difficult. But a part of me worries about making the same damn mistake again. No matter how much I tell myself that this is a new journey — from my view behind the steering wheels, everything looks uncomfortably familiar. But this is the exact moment when the person in the passenger’s seat speaks, his strange calm frightening my inane fears about tripping over the same stone twice, into silence.

He tells me that the variables are different each time. He reminds me that I steer the direction of where we’re going. He quietly glares at me when I wouldn’t listen.

And then I don’t really remember how the rest of the evening turned out, except that there was a flurry of tears, anger, fear and genuine respect. I am older, but I behave like an insolent teenager who says hurtful things she don’t really mean. He is younger, but always so sure of himself. So composed.

One day, with a dead serious face, he tells me that he likes to analyze people. Oh? Tell me about me, I had said, laughing, because this doubt I have inside, knows me so well he couldn’t possibly do.

He made a handful of guesses; some completely wrong, some blatantly obvious and some easily deducible. I was smug about being right. But a few weeks later, he tells me something about myself that even I would never have thought of asking myself the right questions to come to the conclusion he arrived at. He was so right about me that it took me a whole minute of silence to verify what he said, and even then, I still couldn’t find the courage to admit aloud that he was right.

Here’s to the start of something new.