Okay

I’m okay.

Sure, I would prefer to be in a safe place where I know what I have now will remain in my future, even if not a permanent fixture. None of us wants to waste four, five years. But right now, I am still this grounded child. And I don’t call the shots. The more I seek independence, the more it eludes me. Sometimes I wish I weren’t Chinese to begin with.

So all that hysteria and panic has died down a little since mom’s snooping and interrogating everyone who knows about “my situation” — like her daughter has a personality or eating disorder that she cannot mention. And I have to tip toe around everyone. Texting under a pillow, texting under blankets, making calls on the balcony, swapping sim cards all the time so my calls can’t be traced.

And he took it all so calmly. I was sobbing and I couldn’t stop, and I had expected him to be furious, but he was just so sensible.

It’s such a long story, and I can’t wait to get to my point — so I panicked, I sympathized him, I doubted myself, I tried to break up with him, but then he got furious and then fifteen minutes later we were okay again. And my point is, everyone’s been asking what I see in him, what do we talk about, can we sit down and talk intelligent things.

But we shouldn’t have to be similar if we complement each other.