Weltanschauung

My inbox has been lagging for quite a while now. Some 2000 texts from early this year.

I’ve been meaning to clean it out. But I knew how much care it took, to go through them with the Nokia PC application, delete half, and transfer the rest to an xls document, and maybe leave a select few for days when I need to reminisce by scrolling/walking through my inbox.

When I finally found the patience to organize them two hours ago (only 70% done now), I realized, I hadn’t yet found the emotional resilience to deal with the task at hand. What I had so conveniently blocked out in the past 7 weeks, was still there in my inbox, waiting for me to deal with it.

I’d long forgiven him and we have since met up, made amends, sealed new promises, reinvented ourselves, exercised our spontaneity, left fresher love bruises and said more meaningful goodbyes. But we had conveniently kept all our skeletons in the closet, because we both knew how little time we had together. Carpe diem.

But now it is here. I am looking at decay and all its ugly crevices and I have just understood that forgiving and forgetting are two separate entities. I can forgive, but I can’t seem to forget. I don’t see the point of dragging the corpse out and forcing him to explain himself again, but silence eats away at me so.

Even if I were to delete all physical reminders of those three longest nights, will I completely forget?