Recap

For the past few months, I have loved, I have lost, I have been caught in the middle, I have been left out. It was such a crazy journey that I’ve been reduced to flu pills popping, no eyeliner rule, and all of me in 48.5kg.

I think the last time I was 48kg was back in ‘99 but I digress.

After one year and eighteen days in this dysfunctional relationship, it was Thursday night, that the both of us dropped our redundant roles — him, the boyfriend keeping secrets from me to protect our relationship, and me, the girlfriend turning a blind eye to all the secrets he keep (both those I am aware and unaware of) to preserve our relationship. For an hour, I was just a friend, his confidante. I was his first confidante. And probably the only one who encouraged him to analyze a situation.

And when all the anger and deceit was dealt with. We both fell silent.

This is where logic and words failed me. He wasn’t who I thought he was, but neither was he the worst I feared. No sane person would let all those lies go, but I did, and I’ve never meant forgiveness like I did that night. He was finally changing, and most importantly was that he could tell me what to expect. That was all I needed to take a leap of faith.

I should really mark the 4th of June as our unofficial anniversary.

As of yesterday, both Fifi and I are learning to be responsible. He’s finally quit his job and is going to college, and I’ve come to terms with the fact that my island adventures are over. My days of skipping lectures and disappearing off to the east coast for a mini-holiday are over, and because Fifi’s in an intensive program for four months, he probably won’t be skipping any classes to have a mini-holiday in KL.

But there’s something really really exciting to look forward to, and I won’t say a word until I have the green light from all parties!