Green light

One morning, I woke up having dreamt of visiting Genting with him. In the dream, I couldn’t spend the night with him because he was stupid and entertaining friends was his priority and by the time he was done entertaining friends, he wouldn’t come to my room because it was dark out, foggy and really creepy. And me being me, took on the fog and night chill, and hiked my way across a deserted theme park to see him.

I was really upset when I woke up. And I took it out on him.

Right now, I have found my balance. And I am happy. I forgave him when he opened up to me, but he took advantage of this forgiveness as trust, so I made it clear that as much time as he needs to “wean” himself off her, it will take twice the amount of time for me to trust him again. And I was excited for him to come meet my parents, and Hazel… But the enthusiasm is gone, and it’s better that way, because I’m sharing less with him and I feel like I get to keep a part of myself — that part of him he has shared with me, he had lost. For his dad and sisters now ask him when will he be bringing me home again.

It was all going so fast and this is the first time I’ve sat back and realized I’m not ready.